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The 12 Days of DBT Skills: A Holiday Skill-Building Guide for Clinicians

Dec 9, 2025

Helping clients find calm, clarity, and resilience—one day (or skill) at a time.

The holiday season often brings joy, connection, and celebration, but it can also bring stress, pressure, emotional intensity, grief, and interpersonal strain. For many clients, December can feel like a perfect storm of heightened vulnerability factors.

So in the spirit of the season, we’ve created a lighthearted but clinically useful guide: The 12 Days of DBT Skills, a way to help clients practice regulating emotions, improving relationships, and navigating holiday challenges with resilience.

On the First Day of DBT, My Therapist Gave to Me… A Nonjudgmental Stance (NJS)!

Why it matters: The holidays bring plenty of opportunities for self-criticism (“I should be happier,” “I shouldn’t feel this way”).
Try this: Label thoughts and feelings as just what is – not good or bad, right or wrong. Try gentle language shifts:

• “I noticed…” instead of “I failed…”
• “This is what I’m feeling” instead of “I shouldn’t feel this.”

A small shift can soften emotional intensity in big ways.

On the Second Day of DBT… Distract with ACCEPTS

When emotions surge, sometimes clients need short-term relief.
Practice distractions using:

• A — Activities: holiday decorating, puzzle, walk
• C — Contributing: sending a kind message, donating, helping someone with cooking
• C — Comparisons: recognizing past resilience
• E — Emotions: watching a funny video
• P — Push away: shelving a stressor temporarily
• T — Thoughts: reciting a poem, counting lights, sudoku, crossword puzzles
• S — Sensations (TIP skill fits here!)

TIP: Cold water or a handful of snow, paced breathing, and muscle relaxation can be especially powerful during holiday tension or panic.

On the Third Day of DBT… Bridge Burning (BB)

Not burning relationships, burning the bridge to dangerous or impulsive behavior, or ineffective topics of conversations with family/friends at the holidays
Try to:

• Remove triggers
• Block unhealthy options
• Delete numbers or apps
• Make harmful behaviors harder to access
• Identify a list of topics to avoid discussing

On the Fourth Day of DBT… Self-Soothe (SS)

Try building sensory-based routines for grounding and comfort:

• Sight: soft lights, candle glow, falling snow
• Sound: calming music, crackling fireplace
• Scent: pine, peppermint, cinnamon
• Touch: warm blanket, lotion
• Taste: soothing tea

Try creating a “Holiday Calm Kit” you can use when emotions run high.

On the Fifth Day of DBT… IMPROVE the Moment (ITM)

For people overwhelmed by holidays or family expectations, IMPROVE offers simple ways to shift emotional climate:

• Imagery: your happy place or other calm, relaxing environment
• Meaning: Try to find the silver lining without invalidating your experience
• Prayer/values-based intention: connect with something or someone that feels greater than you (God, a loved one no longer near)
• Relaxation: warm fuzzy blanket, deep breathing
• One thing at a time: break things down as small as possible
• Vacation (brief mental break): step outside, go to another room
• Encouragement: “I’ve gotten through this before and I can do it again!”

A quick exercise: “What is one meaningful intention you want to carry into this week?”

On the Sixth Day of DBT… Pros & Cons (P&C)

Especially helpful before emotionally-driven decisions.

Try listing pros and cons of:

• Acting on an urge
• Not acting on an urge
• Long-term vs. short-term outcomes

Holiday-specific examples:

• “Should I confront this family member now?”
• “Should I commit to one more event?”

Clarify values, reduce impulsivity.

On the Seventh Day of DBT… Everyday Acceptance / Radical Acceptance (EA/RA)

Because the holidays rarely go perfectly.

Practice:

• Accepting moments as they are
• Not fighting reality
• Acknowledging pain without adding suffering

A helpful seasonal phrase:
“This is the moment I’m in. I can meet it with willingness,” or “It won’t always be like this.”

On the Eighth Day of DBT… PLEASED (PL)

Preventive care for emotional vulnerability.
Check in with:

• Physical health
• Lifestyle habits
• Eating
• Avoiding mood-altering substances
• Sleep
• Exercise
• Daily

Ask: “Which PLEASED skill feels most important for your holiday season?”

On the Ninth Day of DBT… Build Mastery & Build Positive Experiences (BM/BPE)

Continue doing things that create confidence and joy.

• Mastery: completing tasks, learning skills, doing achievable challenges
• Positive Experiences: intentionally scheduling enjoyable moments

For those who feel overwhelmed, schedule one small moment of mastery per day—wrapping a gift, tidying one drawer, practicing a hobby for five minutes.

On the Tenth Day of DBT… Attend to Relationships

Holiday dynamics can be complicated.
Focus on:

• Repairing when needed
• Showing appreciation
• Communicating clearly
• Balancing priorities
• Avoiding withdrawal or self-isolation
• Putting energy into the important and/or healthy relationships that lift you

A reflective prompt:
“What relationship needs a bit of tending right now?”

On the Eleventh Day of DBT… FAST Skills

Particularly important during stressful gatherings.
FAST =

• Fair
• Apologies not needed (for being yourself)
• Stick to values
• Truth & accountability

Use FAST to maintain self-respect in conversations, even tough ones.

On the Twelfth Day of DBT… DEAR MAN (DM)

The grand finale: assertiveness done well.
DEAR MAN is perfect for holiday needs such as:

• Setting boundaries
• Requesting help
• Communicating preferences
• Saying no (with kindness)

Script one DEAR MAN you can use this month—whether it’s asking for support, requesting space, or negotiating plans.

Bringing It All Together

The holiday season doesn’t have to be chaotic or emotionally overwhelming. With DBT skills—delivered in a creative, engaging way—clients can move through the season with more balance, clarity, and resilience.

Practice one skill each day, or choose the ones that matter most.
And may your season be filled with willingness, grounding, and just the right amount of wise mind.

MHS provides robust DBT programming for ages 12+ through Adults, including specialty programs. Contact us for more information or to make a referral.