Randall Webb: So we’ll go ahead and get started. My name is Randall Webb. I work for TARCSYS Corporation. We are a Southern-based IT company. I come from the great metropolis of Nashville, Tennessee. We focus on IT security. What the point of this is, is I really want to change your paradigm and change your mindset about what IT security is. Okay? All of us either are parents or we work with IT in our lives, and we know people that we may want to implement some of these things for, and so that’s what the goal is. The title of this is Household Incorporated, and we will explain what that is and why. It’s a roadmap for IT security in our homes.

Randall Webb: The overview for tonight is first, we want to define what the IT security problem is. Secondly, we want to actually create Household Incorporated. Thirdly, we want to begin implementing and sustaining a plan. So not just creating a plan, but creating one that can be sustainable because we work. We have jobs. We have lives, and adding this to our lives, it takes time, and it takes energy. You don’t want to invest time, and energy, and effort in trying to create something that is impossible to maintain. When that happens, many parents and many people, you just give up. If you’re trying to deal with IT security from the perspective of I’m going to keep up with the stuff — right — you’re setting yourself up for failure. Okay?

Randall Webb: When we think of security for our homes, it can’t just be solely about children because that is a very limited and very narrow view of what IT is in our homes. Okay? Number one, this may be hard to see, true, IT security is about more than apps and smartphones. Okay? The task that we have is we have to change our paradigm of IT security that is more universal across technology. Okay? If your idea of IT security is tech-specific, then you’re going to have to invoke a gazillion different rules and standards if it’s about each individual pc of technology. Our paradigm needs to shift away from the individual technical things and needs to be more broad and more universal.

Randall Webb: When you really get right down to it, IT is about the exchange of information. Period. That’s all that it is. We have sophisticated ways of doing it, but at the end of the day information technology, or IT, when you boil it down, it’s just about information. There’s some IT security you can do without being technical at all because it’s about information. Okay? In the IT world, if this phone, this is my phone, if it can’t turn on, and if it can’t do anything, we call this a brick because that’s essentially all that it’s worth. It’s just a thing that you can stack stuff on or throw. It’s brick. It has no value, and it’s the same thing with a cell phone or any other technical device. A device that can’t share information, it’s a brick, no matter how great it is.

Randall Webb: We will see that regardless of whether it’s an iPhone, it’s a droid, it’s a computer, it’s a laptop, it’s a tablet, it’s a video game, there are some rules, and policies, and restrictions that we can implement that aren’t technical whatsoever, and they’re effective. We mention here, someone being able to listen in on your phone conversation. Aren’t there ways that we could technically do the same thing? One way is, you go to your child, or you go to whoever’s in your house … I have a list of all the apps on this phone. I want passwords to every single one, and at random I can ask you for it, and I’m going to log into every single one and look at it. That is, we didn’t install anything. We didn’t do any type of sophisticated add-ons of technology. That’s just a simple, good old-fashioned adaptation of something that could’ve been done with the telephone, and that’s the reason why I brought it up, you’re on the phone and your parents listening to your conversation.

Randall Webb: Smartphones, tablets, video game consoles, they’re all computers so let’s cut out all that difficulty. I’ve got to have security for this, and I’ve got to have security for that. No, you’re having security for computers. Period. They’re all computers. I just brought some simple facts to drive home the fact that all of this tech, they’re computers, number one. They have processors, they have memory, and they have storage. A processor is, you may have heard of it as a CPU, but whether it’s your phone, or whether it’s your computer, or whether it’s your laptop, or whether it’s your tablet, they all have a processor. They all have memory, and they can all store stuff. They all have an operating system, whether it’s Windows, whether it’s Linux. If it’s a tablet, it’s going to use Android or IOS. They all, if they have any value, can get on the internet. Right? They all run some type of software. They all run some type of software, some type of application, and they all cost a lot.

Randall Webb: It drives me nuts how cheap people are when it comes to IT. I see people get really, really cheap when it comes to security. They get really cheap. In May, I did this presentation for someone and recommended a product, and they wouldn’t do it.  This product will, it will allow you to monitor seven accounts, $70 a year. That’s too expensive.

Randall Webb: But again, but everyone’s different. Again, resources, companies realize that they need to allocate resources to this effort, whether that’s personnel, whether that’s time and money. You can’t say you want a secure environment if you’re not willing to allocate time, effort, money, energy to this. Okay? We need to focus less on the aspects and more on the rules, policies, and guidelines. Let’s focus less on the tech and more on rules, more on policies, and more on guidelines. Number one, we need to know what we want to accomplish. Okay? We know that what we want to accomplish is far more valuable than figuring out how to get it done.

Randall Webb: I can’t stress that enough. Knowing in your mind what you want to do is far more important than trying to be the one to do it because you can find technical people to build it, but you have to tell them what you want to build. There’s nothing you are come up with that there is not a technical solution for it, but you have to know what it is that you want. Don’t spend the majority of your time trying to get something and accomplish something that is way out in left field. It’s not productive. Find an IT consultant or a company with the skillset to set up and implement the security. Again, this is going to be simple for them. It’s going to be easy. You’re small. You’re simple. They’ll love it. They’ll love it.

Randall Webb: I mean it’s easy. Okay? Some of this may include using hardware that you’re not going to get at Best Buy, and it may be a little more sophisticated, but it’s going to enable you to implement and carry out the things that you want to come up with. Again, it’s just like insurance. When it comes to insurance, give the heavy stuff to the insurance company, but the smaller things that you can handle, handle that yourself. There’s only one person who can come up with what needs to happen in your home, and that’s you. Okay? A less technical approach within the family is more geared on the what and the why, rather than the how. Okay? What are we trying to do? Why are we trying to do it? You can get the how with help.

Randall Webb: You’ve got to sit down and really think about for my family, or for my household, or for a business, for an organization, you really have to think about what is it that all of our effort of us being together, what is our goal. What drives those things that you’re talking about, and it’s true, I know this almost seems simplistic, but the reason why I’m going way high is because as we start peeling these things, and we start coming with things that branch off of that, that’s where you can start becoming more specific about the material, and the content, and the who, and so on, and so forth.

Randall Webb: There’s software out there that you can install on their phones where … There’s one I really like called Qustodio. It will show you every app that’s installed and you can lock it down to where they can use certain apps for a certain amount of time. You can block it, and this works across phones, tablets, PCs. Again, people get stuck, “I don’t know what to install. I don’t know what to install.” There’s plenty of things that you can install, and they all do a lot of great and wonderful stuff, but if you know what it is that you want to do, that will help you be able to pick what it is that you want to get.

Randall Webb: Again, it’s funny, but again when you really need to think about who owns this stuff. On a business perspective, it’s the executives who own it. Period. Not only do they own it, they own everything that’s done on it, and they own all the intellectual property that goes along with it. They own it all. Whether it’s one parent, or two parents, or however, it needs to be clearly known and stated that in our household or in our business, we own all this stuff. It’s all ours and we can get it, or take it, or do anything we want with it. By the way, legally if something were to happen, they’re not coming to the kids. They’re coming to you. I mean legally. They legally cannot own anything. Again, the only way you’re going to move forward is you have to start.

Randall Webb: You have to start. For the things that, you know what, I could’ve done this better. I probably should’ve looked at this differently. You know what? It’s all water under the bridge. Again, if you’re a company, if you say, “This quarter we lost money.” No, I’m serious. This is the reason why I use this as the paradigm. “We lost money this quarter, but this next quarter, we’re going to try to …” Again, it takes you out of trying to get so emotionally invested and wrapped up in it and to think more logically. Again, if you weren’t as disciplined as you would have liked to have been, so what?

Randall Webb: Companies do it all the time. If you install a program that has higher administrative privileges, then your users, they can’t get rid of it. They can’t take it off. These programs actually go in and make changes to the registry and other things in the computer they cannot change. What Qustodio does, again, when you first install it, they’re going to be pissed because their usage is going to drop. But what it does, it goes out and it finds every single app installed. It shows you every single one. You start, “I’m good with this one, I’m good with this one, I’m good with this one. I know how to monitor this, and so … ” Again, text messages, it’ll allow you to see their text messages, and who, but your number one, primary goal is to protect them from themselves. Period. If you err too much in that, that’s actually better than introducing a level of risk that you, and again, this is your decision, that you are not comfortable with. It’s not them. It’s you.

Randall Webb: Now, again, if you get to a point where you want to give them more privilege, then again that’s something that you sit down, you think about, you articulate, but again, come up with it, write it down, and make it concrete, and be very specific about privileges, expectations, and consequences. So you could, so here’s the thing, so-

Randall Webb: … the way Qustodio works is you can install it on anything, but Qustodio is going to go out to your account and it’s going to see, well, what are the profiles that are there. Then I’m going to base my restrictions on those profiles. Does that make sense? You can install it on as many phones, as many tablets, and as a matter of fact, Qustodio has a free version that will allow you to just block basic porn and stuff that you can try it out. Without getting technical, we were really talking about is if I write a program to create a new way to share data, no one can really know what that is.

Randall Webb: It’s kind of like if someone creates a new virus and it, no one has the time to build protection against it because it’s new, so if someone builds something or writes a program where data is shared in some proprietary way, then unless you go out and buy something for it, you’re not going to be able to see what’s in it. Again, this why I stress, again, going back to it, set up certain apps that are used for certain communication, allow the ones that you control. Otherwise, you’ll be always trying to play catch-up. Allow the ones that you control allow the ones that you feel comfortable with. I can’t do anything. Well, you know, well you just can’t.

Randall Webb: But that’s your responsibility. Again, I want to … I really see a lot of parents, you just feel so beat down. You feel so beat down. You feel sad. You feel like you’re being irresponsible, that you’re being a tyrant, and none of that’s true. It’s absolutely not true. Whether you’re a therapist, or if you’re a parent, your number one responsibility is to create a safe, productive environment where they can thrive. That is always paramount to anything else.

Lane Pederson: Hi, I’m Dr. Lane Pederson, co-owner of Mental Health Systems and I’m here with Dr. Eboni Webb for an interview on her upcoming training on attachment and trauma.

Eboni, tell us a little bit about your background, that really got you interested in becoming an expert in attachment and trauma.

Eboni Webb: Well, once I moved to the South and started doing private practice, I started working with a lot of families that had adopted and really had not been educated that adoption inherently has trauma to it. That really expanded my need to be more educated, help parents be educated and even their children understanding why they’re experiencing the difficulties that they’re experiencing.

Lane Pederson: Sure. So, when you talk about adoption having trauma inherent in it, what are some of the traumatic situations that you see these children coming from?

Eboni Webb: Oh, well, many of them come from orphanages where there were not enough care providers to even take care of the children that are there, so there’s a lot of neglect. Poor resources, maybe even inadequate food, but then also the circumstances that necessitated being put into an orphanage often have trauma, abuse, neglect as a part of their story.

Lane Pederson: So, naturally, you’re seeing trauma starting in early childhood and really starting to go across the lifespan. At least early lifespan, with some of the clients you’re working with.

Eboni Webb: Absolutely. There are what we would call single incident traumas; accidents, major natural disasters. But then also developmental trauma. Developmental trauma will go across the lifespan and has to be addressed at every stage of development then.

Lane Pederson: For many people, even if it’s one event, in terms of how it’s experienced, it really is much greater than that event. It really sort of affects their whole course of life, so to speak.

Eboni Webb: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah. Because trauma is self-perceived and it’s driven by the individual’s experiences of it, what they were able to do, what they weren’t able to do, and what other environmental resources were available to them. So, it will vary.

Lane Pederson: So there’s a lot of variants with that. One thing that I wanted to ask you about was what are some of the misconceptions that therapists have about people with trauma and misconceptions about how to treat it?

Eboni Webb: One of the big presentations that we’ll see with the client, is that they may be very activated in a session, which makes it very difficult to connect with them. Or they may be very checked out, which a therapist may initially perceive as a person who’s not interested or not invested in the work. And that is a common misperception until you understand that they’re often defending and that their traumatic response has just permeated their life.

Lane Pederson: Right. So, as a therapist, how do you overcome those type of barriers?

Eboni Webb: I think one, educating the client about what’s happening to them. They may not be conscious of it because trauma based defenses are no conscious by very design, right? So, we have to educate and then to be able to help them normalize and feel safe in the therapeutic environment to let those defenses down.

Lane Pederson: Sure. So, a part of it is just orienting the client to what the therapy is about and what their sort of natural, if you will, response will be and educating them about that and that helps set up more therapeutic success.

Eboni Webb: That’s right. Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Lane Pederson: Okay. Along with misconceptions, what are some of the mistakes that people sometimes make? By people, I mean therapists. What are some of the mistakes that therapists make when they’re working with trauma?

Eboni Webb: I think even one of the primary problems that a therapist can do in terms of the therapeutic space, is assume that this space is aesthetically pleasing, the client will feel comfortable in it. But with trauma as a factor, proximity matters. So, even the spacing of seats can be a problem or it can keep them feeling safe and secure. Tone of voice, inflection. Also, I think therapists often personalize how the client is presenting and making sure that they’re mindful constantly that this is how they are defending and that they really cannot help it. And just as I’ve said before, their brain cannot discern between real and perceived threat. So, a therapist may be doing something unintentionally that is perceived as threatening, and that can create a disconnect in the relationship.

Lane Pederson: Sure. So, really I’m hearing a few things there. One is that therapists sometimes are not aware enough of their clients and how their clients are presenting. And at the same time, therapists can sometimes take how their clients are presenting as being very personal, which of course is … We’ll use the word countertransference. Having countertransference get in the way, rather than be useful in the therapy. And then just kind of those environmental things; how the office is set up, use of space, what’s a safe or comfortable environment for one client versus another.

Eboni Webb: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah. And when I think about doing trauma treatment, I pull into those three concepts of basically healthy parenting, right? So, proximity maintenance, and the safe haven, and the secure base. Those are issues that have to be negotiated between therapist and client because those are the areas that have been affected by trauma.

Lane Pederson: Sure, sure. Now, when you think about working with people, what are some of the tools or strategies you think are must have to maximize the chances for a successful outcome?

Eboni Webb: I think absolutely you have to have a very solid psychoeducational base. Helping the client understand how the brain works when it comes to trauma and a language in a way that they really can take it in. I think that is an essential tool, to have something even visually for them to understand. I think also, to be successful, when there is a breakdown in the session, what resources even do you have in your room to bring them back online, and to be able to kind of move forward. So, it’s really critical to have that psychoeducation, but also in the moment resources for when the process kind of goes astray.

Lane Pederson: So, a lot of it is back to that setting the foundation. Does the client actually have an understanding, a real understanding of what happened, how that’s affecting them now, even in this moment, and how that informs what you’re doing as a therapist.

Eboni Webb: Yes.

Lane Pederson: And then of course, it can be at times, really unsettling and sometimes clients can become dysregulated as you’re doing the work. And as a therapist, you need to have the skills to be able to manage those situations when they come up, so the client can leave put together, rather than …

Eboni Webb: Mm-hmm (affirmative). And you have to be very patient because it is a slow process depending on the nature of the trauma. Especially if it’s developmental, it is going to be a slow course.

Lane Pederson: Right.

Eboni Webb: Very, very slow course. So, yeah.

Lane Pederson: Yeah. When you’re thinking about that, the course of treatment, of course there have been times when I’ve thought therapists jump in too soon, too fast with trauma. How as a therapist do you gauge what is an appropriate course of treatment for an individual client?

Eboni Webb: In terms of course of treatment, it’s really determined by the severity of the trauma and the frequency. So, single incident trauma can be cleared pretty quickly and you can go straight to that. But with developmental trauma, you’re going to have to take some time. You really have to work with the client alone, just to be able to tolerate our relationship, right? The relationship between the client and the therapist. And to make sure that they are safe in this moment. So, it can take time to go back to actually the core event. And it’s often not necessary because the brain doesn’t need the original players per se, to be able to work through the trauma.

Lane Pederson: Sure, sure. Well, I know that we’ve really just scratched the surface of what’s going to be covered in the training. I can tell you I’m really looking forward to it. Having worked with people with a lot of trauma in their history for a long time, I know that there’s going to be a lot of new stuff that I’m going to get from this, too. So, thank you for taking a few minutes to talk with me about this.

Eboni Webb: Absolutely. Thank you.